Opinionated Solutions to Life's Problems

Lots of opinions, Lots of options, Lots of hidden answers to Life's convulated questions.

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LIKES: India, Music, Math, Dance, Advertising, Statistics, Optimism, Dreams, Strong opinions, Rains, Bike rides, Caribbean Sea, Jamaica, Waterfalls, Swimming, Stray dogs, Full moon, Tagore, F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Junglee sandwich, Phone talks, Jasmine flowers, Short work meetings, Fridays & Saturdays, Chocolate ice-cream at mid-night. HATES: Sweet tongued liars & Bitter tongued liars

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Yeh ladka haye allah!

So a really good friend of mine met me on messenger yesterday. Though I was chatting with my manager on IM, taking a call about a maha boring release next month; and eating a juicy orange--I jumped with joy seeing this particular friend pinging me nice and early in the morning.

It was cause for joy, this friend of mine (hence forth refered to as K) had almost disappeared since her marriage six months back. Before that, during her courtship period, we exchanged a lot of emails and met up a few times to share her nice khatti mithi baatein on chat.

So yesterday when she pinged me I was waiting to hear some more chatpati baatein from her about her really romantic married life. Though, what I got was some rukhi sukhi dukhi kahani!

For starters, here's the story so far-- K met M about a couple years back through a family friend and it was a typical arranged marriage with the ladki dekho ceremony and the ice cream and the hot steaming pakoras and all those good things.

After a few of such meetings, they finally decided they had enough oily namkeens and got engaged. And then, in her own words, it was bliss. Hours were spent on the phone, talking about how perfect they were for each other. Evenings were spent going for long walks in parks and watching the sunset together. Aur dekhte hi dekhte D day aa hi gaya. They got married and went off to an exotic island for their honeymoon.

Aur yeh rahi yesterday's conversation snippet:

K- Hi, do you have some time to talk?
Me- Hieeeeeeeeeeee :D, Long time buddy, kaha thi tuuuuuu (yeh raha tera virtual thappad!) lol
K- :) sorry yaar, I was very busy, just aise hi
Me- Busy, ahhaaaaa, kab de rahi hai khush khabar ;)
K- Chod na yaar, are you busy now or can we chat?
Me- Not busy at all (hope the engineers on the call and my manager didn't hear that- I don't want the 79 ft scenario again, very soon in my life :-/)
K- Just wanted to talk to you about something personal
Me- Sure dear, tell me

The rest of the conversation was between the two of us so wouldn't want to share it here, but the crux of the matter was that K pointed out an issue she had with her husband M that irritated her to no end. All through her courtship period, K observed that M always paid her all the attention. Even when they were out anywhere and she saw the hottest of women pass them by; M's attention never wavered away from her face. Never did he look at any other women when he was around her--it was as if the world was made up of little children, men, and unbelievably old grandmotherly type ladies. There existed just one young beautiful girl in this whole wide world and her name was K.

This ridiculously hilarious picture was shattered after a few days of their marriage when she found M checking out women who looked like clones of Bipasha Basu. After a couple months more checking out continued (it was more like ogling K insisted), when M brought his standard down by looking at clones of Divya Dutta as well.

So, that is the story of M and K. And here's the big question in K's mind. Why do men look when they know that they have safely conquered the woman's heart and she is now under umar qaid = marriage? Why do they make her feel like the hottest girl on the planet during courtship and then make her feel like she resembles Lalita Pawar's daughter after marriage? What changes?

My simple answer for her was: It's their genes. Men have to look, its coded into their DNA. It is really hard for them not to have a roving eye but they somehow manage to successfully do this in the wooing phase. Once that is over, they breathe out and start living their normal life again--- how? By checking out every single eve on their radar :)

What do you think?

Music: Kehna hi Kya (Bombay)
Mood: Happy


Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Faarst!! Yet again... *pats self on back*

About the post --- yeah right, spread some more stereotypes. Where exactly do these hordes of Bipasha Basus and Divya Duttas roam about? Mujhe bhi address chahiye!! :D

BTW, on a more serious note, if it has been just 6 months into the marriage and your friend's husband has developed a roving eye, then probably a little thinking wouldn't hurt.

10:04 PM  
Blogger NC said...

he he ...tell her to kick his ass for now and feed him well. In a few years he will have a big ponch, will start loosing hair and then she wont have to worry. Even if he looks at someone girls will stop even noticing ;) OMG i am becoming soo evil :)

11:39 AM  
Blogger Sakshi said...

I think the question to ask would be, if the girl knew about it before would she have married the guy. Hey beauty needs to be appreaciated, but I am with Sudipta here.. this soon if ennui sets in.. things need to be examined carefully.
On other hand, your friend can look at Hritik/Aamir/Joh Abraham look alikes in the mean time.

12:16 PM  
Blogger NC said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:34 PM  
Blogger NC said...

The first song of the album is very good :) The second one is good too...
One of the lines is "Lamha Lamha chuna-piroya,aank se sincha, dil me boya....
Shaadi bhi pak jayegi yaron jahan kahin bhi latki hai"
Very hopefull haan ;)

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:37 PM  
Anonymous Twisted DNA said...

Are you talking to my wife these days? :P

By the way I recommend the book, "The Moral Animal". It provides some evolutionary viewpoint on these things. You are not actually too far off the mark when you said, "it's coded into our DNAs". :)

10:46 AM  
Blogger PSV said...

I am surprised that M stopped staring at girls during the courtship period! I think K was too happy to be with him that he didnt realise him checking out other women.
The thing about the DNA is correct but men dont stare ALL the time...only when -
1. they have nothing else to do
2. they r happy with their life....

3:22 PM  
Blogger The Lonely Traveller said...

It is really hard for them not to have a roving eye but they somehow manage to successfully do this in the wooing phase. Once that is over, they breathe out and start living their normal life again--- how? By checking out every single eve on their radar :)

I totally disagree with this!!! We don't stop looking at other women during courtship!!! No Mam! We don't!!! We just find a way to do it without our gfs noticing.


Cheers to men!

10:04 AM  
Blogger Bhuvanesh said...

i m sorry to say this abt ur dear frnd, but i think she has some hard thinkin to do on her part.. if within the first 6 months, her husband has been checking out every single eve in the galaxy, then there might exist a slim possibility tat the blame lies elsewhere..(ya, i m tryin to b subtle and digninfied, but i suck at tat..)

but, seriously, if u think most guys do not check out other gals during courtship, then u r mistaken.. hugely... ;) i hav read somewhere tat men are wired tat way.. (let us consider jus heterosexual men for simplicity)...

p.s.: i hav now come to the point of pointing it out to ppl tat i hav posted on my blog after yet another year... cheers...

6:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well Men r men will always be so..whether they r married or single, they think its their birth right to check out and comment on every gal that pass by them!
Old habits never change!
But if a similar thing was done by a girl they would not leave out any stone unturned that doing that was bad! Uff ye ladke bhi na..

4:31 AM  
Blogger Di said...

hmm..ur analysis seems to b right on target..shaadi ke baad they probably dont really feel the need to b their pretending-to-be-a-one-woman-guy selves....wish ur friend loads of luck :-/

6:07 AM  
Blogger Alan said...

Your right. It's in our DNA. I've not seen any Bipasha hordes either.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Strider said...

flummoxed hu mai!

but ur answer is way off the mark, because the assumption in the q is itself wrong.
Not all men do what u've accused them of.

hope its working out fine b/w M and K now! :)

9:48 AM  
Blogger Life Lover said...

sudipta---> india mein koi bhi bade shaher mein kisi college ke saamne khade raho, khub saari bipasha clones dikh jaayegi ;) about the recent development, my take is that it is not a big deal, koi acha dikh gaya to usne dekh liya...what is making me sad is the fact that my friend is feeling miserable and losing her self esteem because of this.

nc---> LOL, excellent idea, shall me passed on to K very soon :D

sakshi---> I have prayed for her and my prayers have been this: Oh God, give K the strength to ignore M when he is checking our Bipasha's twin and Oh God, please help K bump into some really hot men and let her ogle her heart out ;) thanks for the suggestions, will pass them on to dear K.

nc---> indeed a very nice song, btw, will get the name of the movie from you tomorrow when we talk

twisted dna---> I will add this to my growing books to read list, but shall pass this one on to K, she needs it desperately :)

psv---> thanks for providing some more proof to my statement :D

lonely traveler---> lol, greatness personified!! but you know what? I don't believe you :p hehehe!!

bhuvanesh---> you have said something that many men out here have said: they loveee to check out gals anytime, anyday, no status problems here--single or married, they all do it with happy abandon ;)

anon---> haan sach!!!

di---> thanks!! with pass on the good vibes to her

alan---> wish you good luck in finding hot women wherever you go...the good luck should get into effect in the next 48-72 hours, your weekend forecast looks bright and sunny ;) enjoy!

strider---> sorry sorry, maaf karo yaar, generalizations bure hai, par I couldnt see my friends dukh that is why I wrote that statement...but if you stick to looking at only your wife (whenever that happens), I will add an exception to my statement saying: all men EXCEPT strider ;) okie!! till then chilllllouttt.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Daddy's Girl said...

I think I agree with you - your friend shouldn't let this make her miserable (although I can see why she's troubled). I don't think she should worry too much about it, unless it's some sort of obsession or something, or he's neglecting her in some way or taking her granted. Guys are not going to stop being attracted to hot girls because they're married (God knows marriage is not going to stop me from being attracted to super-fine guys) - the important thing is what they do with those feelings of attraction and if they let it affect their marital relationships. If he just likes to look at pretty/sexy girls in his free time... well, it might not be the most pleasant/ideal thing in the world for her, but I also don't think she should let it get to her. In fact, if she's so inclined, whenever he gets into Bips/Divya mode, she should get into Hrithik/John mode... LOL

1:15 AM  
Blogger Supremus said...

Now, I wonder why your friend was not worried when he was not ogling at other women while he was dating - that should've been a sure sign that something is not "normal". Now that he's normal, your friend's complaining hehehe :D


11:32 AM  
Blogger Life Lover said...

daddy's girl---> I told her something very similar, now it is upto her to implement it :)

supremus---> yep so true!! I told her that it is a very normal thing to do, I guess because he didn't ogle, she thought he was the perfect man, little did she know that the 'perfect man' is a myth and not a reality ;)

3:05 PM  
Blogger Rahul said...

It's programmed into us:

woman: stare
Tits: stare
Beer: Drink
Old College friends: Drink,enact weird "college ke" rituals,practice choice abuses and basically behave like 14 yr-old guys/kids and make fools of urselves.....
Cricket matches: Plonk ass on sofa and foul mood when India loses......

We do all that from time to time. But honestly, it's all in fun..."Dil saaf hona chaahiye"...what's the point of pretense??

5:30 PM  
Blogger Suki said...

Well, I guess you also have to figure out whether she's being paranoid or not. Even as a teen.. my boyfriend sometimes points out good-looking women on the road, while I(when my head is out of the clouds) notice a handsome male specimen here or there. It really isn't an issue, any more than appreciating a nice song, a good play or a beautiful picture would be!

A roving eye is definitely a problem, but just liking to look is not.

6:54 AM  
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